I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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