I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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