I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
