So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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