I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
