Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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