K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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