I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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