When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
