This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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