Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
