The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
