Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
