just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
