just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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