So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hippo gnu deer
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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