I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
