Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
