just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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