how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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