All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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