matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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