Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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