Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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