i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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