I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
As shirtless as possible
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
