she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
