I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
