I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
