Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
