while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
