Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Found your dick twin last night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
