It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
