I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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