Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Found your dick twin last night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
