omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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