As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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