At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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