you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
