Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the liver wants what the liver wants
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
