can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
