So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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