mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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