I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
