I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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