I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
