Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
