Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
