I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
