I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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